also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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