1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
