so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Girls should come with a carfax report
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize