Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
