im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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