i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
