Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
