Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
