like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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