last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
