i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
