I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
