the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
