My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
