okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
