omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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