you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
