he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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