Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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