He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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