Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
