is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
