I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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