so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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