y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
