i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i dont even know how to be here
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
