here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
