I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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