i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize