i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
