Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
