It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
