did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
