your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
