The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize