Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
