Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
