he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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