I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
