This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
