I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
