why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My pussy is not your playground.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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