Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
