She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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