well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
