I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
