how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize