I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize