apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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