I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
