dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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