I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
