When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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