and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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