If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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