Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there is glitter all over my balls
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
