there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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