Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
