yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
