i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
