I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
