So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
