when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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