I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
