I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
