he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
