Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
