If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
