plz talk dirty to me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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