i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
