The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
