On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
