I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize