Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
